Hangman’s Hall

Welcome to Hangman’s Hall. Here you can read about our on and off field exploits from the battled hardened angle of our most loyal supporters……………..

35 Responses

  1. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on May 7th, 2007 at 1:09 pm Said:

    Just thought I drop you happy boys a line to say that me and Wal will be putting on our cardies and observing cricket from the boundary down at Hangman’s Hall again this season. Me and Wal were anxious to get down and have a look as rumour had it that Lord Brollystand was less than pleased with the cricket boys. In fact we heard that he told his trusty squire, Norbert (Call me Nob) Rashe , to allow his Lordships beasts of burden to over winter in the outfield. Load of bullocks if you ask me. No doubt this will cause his Lordships new head gardener, Rick Hensdick some headaches but we thought the approach of growing extra lush grass on the square to transplant on to the bare patches very original! Me and Wal had a strole around the ground, which looked quite nice, and a look at the square. We were a bit surprised not to find the Dapych brothers, Mo and Mark, pottering around down there with so much work to do.

    The first cricket we saw was the second team getting tapped around a lot but Wal swore blind the whole game swung on a running, diving, somersaulting catch by Andy Jardinaire, starting at slip and ending just inside the 3rd man boundary. I just swore he was blind! Anyway Dr. Stanley Knife cut the Cropston bowling to ribbons ably supported
    Zane Spandex. Well done boys!

    This week we watched the first team play Lutterworth complete with the fabulous Baxter boys. A good all-round bowling & fielding performance restricted Baxters Inc. to a modest total which we knocked off with aplomb thanks to a stylish 80 something from Zach Gorse-Bush, a typically cavalier knock from Joe Lobster and a cameo from Drew Gayley.

    I had a chat in the post office this morning with his Lordships entertainment secretary, Lil Cheesewire. She told me that we won in the cup against Crapston and scored 300.
    Lil does not like cricket but the news that the younger of the Gorse-Bush brothers, Larry got 100 means that that the rate relief on the hall his Lordship enjoys courtesy of junior sport is safe for another year. We did not see the game as me and Wal popped over to Lubbbernham to see the Sunday boys. His Lordship should take note on how to set up cricket in the manor grounds should be done. Nice to see true Ammy boys Jock Garter and Ash Jimbob back in action. We struggled a bit as the outfield, not having being grazed prior to the game was a bit lush. Jock, having opened was convinced that at least one bowler had and extra finger on his bowling hand and was using it to great effect.
    The innings was turned around by a 75 run partnership from seasoned campaigners
    Andy Jardinaire and Spike Botty. They took some time to get going but once in their stride and in full flow it was like harping back to the days of steam as the chugged their way to a respectable total. Andy’s Dr. Doolittle characteristics were evident as the house herd came over to watch him bat for a while and to a beast moved round to the changing area to moo him off when he was eventually run out by a direct hit from 18 inches. Bowling got off to a good tight start and Spike took some wickets but some poor fielding and a flurry of byes ultimately let the game slip away.
    Consoled Wal in the pub over half a mild.

    Not sure who we will watch next week but if it s good we will tell you about out.

    All characters and places referred to in this blog are entirely fictitious and any resemblance, perceived or otherwise, to real places, events or persons is entirely coincidental.

    Reply
  2. Stuart, on May 7th, 2007 at 4:04 pm Said:

    I for one look forward to next week’s going’s on at Hangman’s Hall…….

    It’s nice to be able to put a name to the faces. Wanda and Wal you are welcome at our cricket club!!!!

    Reply
  3. xbox155, on May 9th, 2007 at 6:01 am Said:

    Can somebody translate this ?

    Reply
  4. Stuart, on May 9th, 2007 at 3:38 pm Said:

    I’ve been racking my brain but i’m pretty sure i’ve never met Lil Cheeswire………

    Reply
  5. andy jardinaire, on May 10th, 2007 at 8:07 am Said:

    rack harder!!!!

    Reply
  6. Stuart, on May 11th, 2007 at 3:40 pm Said:

    I’ve racked and now know who she is…………..to be honest I had to be told!!!!

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  7. leggie, on May 11th, 2007 at 5:49 pm Said:

    I’m fed up with racking now and I still don’t know?????

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  8. Boris winner, on May 12th, 2007 at 6:41 pm Said:

    Hangmans Hall an every day tale of cricket folk ( better than the Archers )can’t wait for the next issue. Wanda and Wal are going to be legends by the end of the season.

    Reply
  9. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on May 13th, 2007 at 8:07 pm Said:

    Rumour has it this week that me and Wal are now part of the underground press as Drew’s happy little blag has fallen foul of PC world. Wal reckons it’s the type of computer he’s using.

    Me and Wal braved the biting wind to watch the seconds crunch match against those nice Egg Town Park boys. Wal said they thrashed us off the park at their place last year. We forgot that this weekend was his Lordship’s annual tithe gathering weekend. All of his Lordships tenants had arrived in their wagons and parked up to pay their dues to the estate. There were gaggles of geese, sheep, firkins of ale, beaver pelts as well as cash all delivered to squire Nob and his Lordships treasurer, Jack Countant.
    So, back to the cricket, Natty Quiff lost the toss again. Dr. Nife was away this week trimming bunions so the other Lobster boy opened but alas was boiled alive in the second over. That brought our Polish immigrant, Justin Monoski to the crease and him and Zane put on a skilfully crafted 50. A flurry of wickets caused by the slow pitch left us precariously poised at 100 and odd for 6. However, with Spike Botty’s constantly running and Esau Seesaw striking some lusty late blows on his way to 80, the pair put on over 100 for the seventh wicket ensuring a competitive final total of 240 odd.

    At tea, me and Wal popped into the tea room for our customary cuppa and found the club Welfare Officer, Danny State, dipping his ruler into Mrs. Porkie’s triffles. He sheepishly explained that ECB No-Mark regulation hundreds-and-thousands (b) governs the depth of saturated dairy products allowed on cricket-tea cakes and sweets, less cricket clubs throughout the land are swept with morbid obesity. Gardener Hensdick was mortified as his fat-fest was cancelled as Mrs. Porkie was duly obliged to scrape the cream back to the regulation 2 mm.

    Straight after tea the Eggy boys were totally scrambled as Matthew Matthughes, so good they named him twice, ripped through the top order. At one stage they were 6 ish for 5. There was some resistance from their lower order so Quiffy brought himself on and added an element of slapstick as well as bagging a couple of wickets at the death. Some good catching eventually saw the boys run out winners by about 140 runs.

    We bumped into Ash Jimbob at the end of the game. The Thirds were back early after a 8 wicket demolition of the local supermarket at Stebby. SPAR scored about 150 and the highlight was a star spangled hat-trick by the other Monoski brother, Dustin, the first one ever by a Pole. We clinically knocked them off for two wickets with Ash and A. Muffin both scoring 50’s. A winning start for Darius, King of the Persians, well done.

    Wal reminds me that according to the club finance officer, Hugh G. Rantz, if we can get 4 different ethnic minorities signed on we will automatically qualify for a fully funded ECB approved automatic stump polisher worth about £1500. With Dustin, Darius and the return of our two Iraqi refugees, Sulyman Hamiz and Saddam Ohms (surely must be in the resistance) we only need to find one more to qualify. Wal is adamant that he overheard Hugh on the phone to Sum Dum Prik from the Taipan Thai restaurant in town begging him to sign on. We will keep you posted, but the sight of gleaming ash poles in Ricks hallowed turf will confirm how successful he has been.

    ‘Till next week

    Sawatdee khrap

    Wanda and Wal

    Reply
  10. Stuart, on May 13th, 2007 at 9:54 pm Said:

    Superb……………..once again!!!! I wish it was this time next week already!!!

    Keep hiding though, the PC police on still on the prowl…………….

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  12. Stanny, on May 14th, 2007 at 10:21 pm Said:

    And meanwhile, back on planet earth….!!

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  13. Stuart, on May 15th, 2007 at 9:01 am Said:

    Question for Wanda and Wal: What is this slapstick you talk about from our 2nd team skipper Nat Quiff?! I have visions of Frank Spencer mixed with a hint of Laurel and Hardy. For the life of me I can’t work out how you would bring all that together with a cricket ball in your hand!!! Maybe we should get him on a stage??!!

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  14. Thomas the Tank Engine, on May 16th, 2007 at 5:35 pm Said:

    Here i go again getting all offended. So be time to convene my fellow managers and get this off the air. It is a blatant disregard of the human rights of a highly respectd member of the local community.

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  16. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on May 21st, 2007 at 8:59 pm Said:

    Phew! It’s been a busy weekend. Wal polished up his Metro and took me for a ride in the country so we’ve seen a few games this week.

    We saw a most bizarre game on Thursday. I believe, although it’s hard, that we needed one run to win with about eight wickets left including the experienced Sulyman Hameez to come in at eleven. He was busy telling everyone how he had rescued countless teams from dire situations all over the sub-continent, a sort of cricketing Ali Tupper. Unfortunately nobody realised he is embroiled in the customary sub-continental betting syndicate and the offer of a weeks pocket money and a bag of jelly babies from the 12 year-old fielding at point was too a high a temptation. Sulyman made a regulation long hop from the 14 year old spinner look like a Steve Harmison bouncer landing in a minefield. Needless to say the ball lobbed to point, game tied, who likes the green ones!

    We started off watching the Firsts on Saturday in their first real test of the season. Things looked rosy as Pete Sleet ripped through the Cistern Town batting line-up, restricting them to 130 odd. The boyz seemed to be cruising but, precipitated by some dodgy leg-before interpretations from umpire Colin Lueless and a swarm of late evening gnats causing Perry Ratholes to thrash out wildly and unfortunately get himself bowled, saw the boyz slide to their first defeat of the season. Failure to capitalise on such a good bowling performance and yet another solid performance from Zach Gorse-Bush must surely be a concern to skipper, Gaz Stove. Wal was admiring the progress made by young Zach this year. We were sumising that it must be in part to the well rounded education he is receiving at Oxford. Wal reckons that having the opportunity to beaver in the Bodleian and take the occasional punt up the Isis is the making of a man. As long as happy and wraps up warm I’m all for it.

    The Seconds had a potentially tricky trip out into the country at Berkby. Me and Wal dodged the showers and the badly signed detour through Mountsorrel to watch a bit of the game. The pitch looked a bit slow and at 120-2 the Berks seemed to be in a strong position. However, the introduction of Spike and young Len Porkie, literally fresh out of his sick-bed restricted them to a 176-9. We lost Dr. Nife early but the innings was rebuilt with a stand between Zane Spandex and an impressive looking Les Martian who looked particularly assured of the back foot. However, the darkest cloud of the day followed Zane back to the pavilion having been run out in a horrendous mix-up. Les went on to make a maiden 50 and some hard hitting from Pat Lobster saw us home with an impressive 3 overs to spare. Once again the class batting in the side came from the experienced Wilson TomTom, the one person sure of a game every week as he is guaranteed to find all the away grounds. It was nice to win this one as even the mild mannered Wal was irritated by the incessant drivel flowing from the Berkby boys in the field. One of the locals told us that the noise was coming from Willy Jiddyut who had been let down from his pole to play as they were ‘a bit short’.

    We popped down to watch the end of the 3rd’s cup game. We looked to be cruising to the 150 odd needed with Andy Jardinière and Justin Monoski looking in fine form. Andy even managed some amazing circus-like stunt of volleying the ball Jimmy Greaves style over the keepers head for 6 leg byes. Wal’s convinced now that Andy can be encouraged to balance balls and stumps on his nose merely by tossing him the odd sprat or two in the drinks interval. Proceedings were briefly interrupted when his Lordship himself appeared walking his corgi around the boundary. As is custom in such cases all merriment had to cease and the batsmen had to doff their helmets and offer genuflexions in his direction.
    After the departure of Andy, run out due to a poor grasp of the Polish language, and Justin, a little inexperience saw the boyz surrender a promising position and come up short on the day.

    Well here’s to next weeks entertainment.

    TTFN

    Wanda and Wal

    Reply
  17. Stuart, on May 21st, 2007 at 9:41 pm Said:

    I must admit the highlight of the weekend has to be Andy Jardinaire’s overhead kick.

    I think it’s the only time the umpire and fielders have demanded an encore!!! I believe one member of the fielding side claimed no shot was offered, but didn’t realise that’s how Jardinaire plays his leave shot (no wonder you struggle with injuries!!!). We are looking for funding for a trampoline for next pre season!!!!

    Reply
  18. Stanny, on May 21st, 2007 at 11:29 pm Said:

    It’s a shame that the umpire from the 1st’s wasn’t umpiring the 2nd’s – if he was, I’m sure he’d have stuck his finger up from some of Thirteenamp Fuse’s lbw shouts!

    Reply
  19. andy jardinaire, on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:20 pm Said:

    wanda and wal i am honoured to be likened to jimmy greaves(if only in the drinking dept!!!) stuart i am grateful that you only slightly extracted the urine and stanny i am positivly overjoyed that you didnt take the p###!!! following my amazing display of agility, or falling over if you prefer!!!!!!

    Reply
  20. stanny, on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:29 pm Said:

    There is no way that it could be described as falling over!

    I received a telephone call today (in my capacity as Mr Jardinaire’s agent) from ITV. They saw it and were very impressed – they have asked if you are free early next year for the next series of Dancing on Ice!

    Reply
  21. andy jardinaire, on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:02 pm Said:

    dear mr agent, im available now for dancing on ice but only if i get to wear the short sparkly dress……. nice!¬!!!!

    Reply
  22. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on May 30th, 2007 at 5:24 pm Said:

    Ni How Boyz,

    Well a bit late this week boys. Bloody Wal’s fault. I left him to book the bank holiday coach trip to Torbay. The fool tried to do it on-line this year. Bugger me if we aint ended up in Taipei! Can’t get a decent cuppa anywhere.

    Anyway before we left we watch the Second team boys and a bit of the Thirds. Good to see old Tim Headwound back in the fold in the Thirds and taking wickets along with Singeon Woodwork he seems to have learned what straight means over the winter. Unfortunately batting let us down with Saddam Ohms and the boys offering little resistance to come up a dozen or so runs short.

    The Seconds bulldozed their way past the Colby’s but they did have a few nervous moments on the way. Quiffy won the toss again and chose to bowl. Not surprisingly on a pitch that was marginally less hirsute the Evan Lawrie’s chest and a bounce as predictable as a rugby ball, 122 all out was at the top end of what was a comfortable chase. Wickets shared amongst the bowlers with the Lobster and Quiffy getting three apiece. Wal is convinced he heard Barbara Streisand coming from the wedding disco just as Quiffy came on to bowl, spooky that. The chase was difficult on the uneven pitch and some application from Justin Monoski, who’d have thought it, and some composure from the stylish Wilson TomTom saw them unconvincingly home.

    The Firsts managed a win at Pigstick but poor reception on the jungle telegraph makes details sketchy. Not seen Neville Gorse-Bush either so I have no Hansardesque report to help me out either. I gather that we bored them silly with Pete Sleet and Larry G-B take a few wickets and then knocked them off with the Elder Gorse-Bush, if such a plant exists, once again prolific.

    I bumped into Squire Nob Rashe in the butchers. He was there for his weekly helping of tripe. He was telling me how pleased he was that young Zach is in such fine form and how it proves his theory that people with double-barrelled names make the best cricketers. Despite intense cranial delving I hardly thought that Robin Martin-Jenkins or Andrew Wingfield-Digby were quite in the league of cricketing greats. On pressing the noble squire further he fondly remembered sitting on the knee of his Grandfather, Sir Napier Rashe, listening to stories of how he watched the great W.G. Gracie-Fields, the legendary Rochdale and England batsman flay the Australians and the Brazilians all over Trafford Park in the 1890’s. He also marvelled that the great West Indian Robert Holding-Marshall seemed to bowl any team out almost single-handed in the late 70’s and early 80’s.

    He confessed that all of the nostalgia had made him forget what he came for. “It’s tripe“ I said. “Exactly” he replied. Speaking of which it’s time for me and Wal to nip out for our monkey-brain smoothies.

    Until next week

    Jaitian

    Reply
  23. Boris winner, on May 30th, 2007 at 7:38 pm Said:

    About time I was getting depresssssed with out this weeks installment ,glad to see the squire got the tripe. Streisand and Quiffy what a thought . Nice to see the pole is understanding the local language of inklish.

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  24. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on June 6th, 2007 at 9:19 pm Said:

    Home-sweet-home Boyz,

    Well, just about forgiven Wal for his travel cock-up last week. Turned out to be a beautiful week in the sun and we even tried frog’s leg curry. I can’t cope with bloody chopsticks though. They should only be used for knitting, not eating. Hopefully you will get our unedited thoughts this week without the savage cuts from Drew Gayley’s red pen.

    Saw a bit of each game this week, Wal’s Metro is doing a few miles this summer.

    We started off watching the Firsts against the Colby’s First team. Nice to see my old friend ‘Hatty’ Burst back again, shame she stage freight once again!. The Colby’s batted first and struggled to a modest 99-9 off their 45 overs. I know this sounds impossible to do at home but with the pitch having even more grass than last week, Rick Hensdick will be worrying less about pigeons eating his seed and more about Gazelles and other herbivorous beasts munching on a length. Wal wondered if we will ever see scores over 200 on the ground again in his life time. He even sought an official view on the state of the ground but Pitch Publicity Officer, Lee Wyse-Munkees said that they had seen nothing wrong, heard nothing bad and therefore could not possibly comment. We made reasonably light work of getting home with Bart Intray showing some glimpses of a return to form with a 40 odd.

    Sunday was a different proposition against Rotby. Never seen us do well there and again Cockpit scored a shed-load against us as we toiled all afternoon as they piled on 250. Never in it as we lost two quick wickets but at least Larry got a decent stay at the crease in compiling a welcome 50. Maybe next year is cup year.

    The Seconds had a difficult looking fixture at Marillion Old Boys. We expected a team full of chubby middle-aged rockers but we were only half right. Wal looked at the pitch and mused that low scoring game was a certainty. The Quiffster duly lost the toss and once the slower stuff was introduced the boyz struggled to score. Only the stylish Wilson Tom-Tom and a bit of agriculture from Rick Nike including a huge six which he claims knocked a passing vicar of his bike took us to 117. Not a bad score if we could bowl well.
    We bowled competently but the Rocksters top order were technically better than ours and found scoring that little bit easier. Under no pressure plodded to the target with the loss of 3 wickets. Esau Seesaw turned in a creditable performance with the ball to pluck a brace.

    The Thirds demolished the Hinckley Warts in another low-scoring affair. Once again Singeon and Tim Woodshed did the damage to ensure a narrow victory. Well done boys, a truly formidable pairing.

    The Sundays took an experimental team to Bitterswill. It looked like we would chase 300 as Justin Monoski was carved up better than a Christmas turkey. An inspired bowling change saw Spike and young Sasha Woodwork reduced Bitter boys to 111 all out. Ty Catcher also showed his all round prowess with a tidy bowling spell and Wal thinks he saw just the tiniest glimpse of excitement from the boy. Must have had his hands in his pockets. We knocked ‘em off for the loss of 7 wickets with young Damien Market scoring a highly impressive 28 top score. Wal says he’s a star of the future.

    Lets hope for a bit more excitement from next weeks games otherwise I have problems keeping Wal awake.

    Gotta go and rinse me smalls.

    See you soon

    Wanda

    Reply
  25. daddyearthworm, on June 7th, 2007 at 10:59 pm Said:

    Tim Headwound one week, Tim Woodshed the next… a chap could get a personality disorder if he doesn’t take care.

    Reply
  26. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on June 8th, 2007 at 7:01 am Said:

    Dear Mr. Woodshed,

    As you may be aware last weeks copy was sent from Taiwan and contained a few typo errors. It took Me and Wal ages to work out the Chinese keyboard with the help of a Chinese dictionary and the hotel porter Mr. Hu Poo Tu.
    Wal reckons he’s got this Chinese character lark sorted now and he’s taking me for a Chinese later to try test his new skills.
    Please turn up in your wicket taking persona tomorrow.

    Reply
  27. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on June 12th, 2007 at 1:17 pm Said:

    Hello Boyz,

    Well, what a week it’s been boyz! It was much more entertaining than last week.

    Thursday was a day of contrasts. The First XI suffered a 99 run massacre by the ruthless Bladderstone boys. But quote of the week came the charming Matthew Matthughes who attributed the batting demise to young Larry Gorse-Bush “getting out while trying to push on to reach the target” – from 20-odd for 8 – mmmm.
    The 2nd XI won a thriller at Pimplehide by 4 runs with a good all round contribution from the whole team to collectively hold their nerve and sneak home. Wal reckons the side is starting to gel together nicely.

    We got back from Nuneaton to find even we had received a copy of ‘the letter’. Wal said he not seen anything like that since his headmaster wrote to his mum telling her he had been caught smoking behind the bike sheds. Dr. Nife told him that Hugh G. Rantz was filing his application for an ECB approved ducking stool. Mr. Hensdick has been detailed to seek permission from Squire Nob Rashe to use his lordships Trout Hatchery to wheedle out the heretics amongst us. – owwerr!

    We watched the Seconds at home this week against Eccentricity Sports. Quiffster won the toss and, as is becoming more and more predictable, we literally skittled the Sportsters for only 80. Each bowler took a wicket each but the Pitch was the star with a career best 6 for 20. It’s surely a dead cert for Drew Gayley’s Man of the Week award.
    We had a few nervous moments before tea as some accurate, if slightly dubious bowling from the Sports opener Ben Tarm, saw the boyz reduced to 16 for 3 but again quality shone through as the returning Ash Jimbob and the stylish Wilson TomTom put on 60 odd to see as home. Wal had a sneaky look at the pitch after the game and his ball-bounce test revealed an incredible zero bounce. Thinking this to be an impossibility in June he asked Pitch Publicity Officer Lee Wyse-Munkees for an explanation. He replied that “His Lordship forbids the use of the roller on the pitch in the afternoons lest the noise and vibrations disturb the afternoon slumbers of his pack of pedigree Brollyhounds. Mr. Hensdick must use only the roller during the hounds 15 minute exercise period.” Wal enquired of Mr. Wyse-Munkees if he thought this to be in the interests of the Club. “Indeed” he replied, “it’s reduced the diesel bill by 60%” Looks like we will be subjected to 6.00pm finishes for the foreseeable future.

    We saw a bit of a dull game with the Firsts at Dumbtown Bassetts. We posted a creditable 199, shame we missed full batting points and young Larry G-B showed some signs of inching back to form. The Dummies made a bizarre attempt at a run chase and slid from a comfortable 100-2 to 149-9. The usual culprits sharing the wickets but skipper Gaz Stove must be disappointed that the last pair survived comfortably to secure the draw.

    We did not see much of the Thirds this week but Tim Woodshed’s lofty prose suggests it was a bit of a picnic. Good to see Dale Crumpet making a good contribution with the bat as well as a stunning catch.

    Sunday saw the first home game for Mr. Monoski’s boyz against Count Sozzeled’s XI. It was a highly entertaining game which saw the return of Mr. Hensdick’s dumpy offspring Patsy. He showed that he had not lost his eye for the ridiculous as he careered headlong into the sightscreen stanchion. Wal reckons it was a perfect re-enactment of the wild pig trapping scene in Apocalypto. The boyz did well to restrict a strongish batting line-up to 160 with Pat Cribbage pegging a four-for. Amazing what can be done these days to terminally defunct shoulders with a good dollop of horse liniment and a Thai massage. The innings got off to interesting start with the sprightly Drew Gayley running Skipper Monoski ragged. Wal reckons that the skippers running between the wickets reminded him of that great Amateur stalwart the late Don Key. A middle order wobble saw young Ian Fullup bat on debut with his farther Patty. Ian made a creditable impression before being ruthlessly cut down by the deadly digit of part time umpire Matty Stishun who clearly had taken leave of his pencils. Overall a good win.

    Wal is devastated that he will not be seeing the silky batting skills of Andy Jardinaire again this season, he reckons it’s a travesty and symptomatic of the push at all costs for trophies and yet more certificates to hang on the wall. He suggests that as a fitting vote of thanks, those that care should suck a symbolic humbug at 3.00pm this Saturday. For those wishing to partake, club Propaganda Officer, the delightful Senorita Roza Tinte-Glathez will be dishing out humbug in the tea room prior to the game.

    Keep the excitement coming boyz

    Wanda & Wal

    Reply
  28. andy jardinaire, on June 12th, 2007 at 9:19 pm Said:

    wal, i thank you for your kind words, the humbug gesture says it all!!! i leave behind happy memories, some good guys and sadly for the record a league batting average of 40 for the 2007 season, keep taking the tablets!!

    Shady

    Reply
  29. Thomas the Tank Engine, on June 14th, 2007 at 3:02 pm Said:

    Hopefully bygones can be bygones. This particular Tank Engine wishes you all the best in your future cricketing pursuits.

    Reply
  30. Wanda Round & Wal KonBye, on June 22nd, 2007 at 7:02 pm Said:

    Hello Boyz,

    We are a bit late this week because we’ve been earthing up Wal potatoes and it’s taken ages because of the bloody rain.

    Good to see that the Quiffster quite rightly got our points back. Apparently his Rumpolesque defence was better than anything seen on TV. However, Wal reckons that he should not push his luck and that he really should change his mobile service provider to something more reliable than Woolies Worldwide.

    We did not see much on Saturday as it was monsoon like most of Friday and Saturday morning. The Thirdsters got most of a game in at Pigstone meadows. Apparently they cannot mow pitches on the meadow until after mid July so that the wild flowers have time to seed. Good job it was raining otherwise Matty Stishun would have been sneezing all over his scorebook with his hay fever. Sulyman Hamiz put in a typically stoic effort literally scythe his way to 45 not out in millions of overs before the deluge arrived.

    Sunday was more rewarding with Mr. Monoski’s cavaliers taking on a much stronger Trumpton & Chigley XI. They sneakily turned up with several first eleven players but with the return of Faye Wray, minus her monkey, we restricted them to 170 all out. Pat Cribbage completed his hat trick from the previous week with the cunning use of the slow, wide long, long hop. Masterstroke!
    The Monoster was cut off at the knees for the umpteenth time but Len Porkie and Patsy Hensdick feasted on some gentle bowling. Lew Fullup managed to escape the embarrassing fate of being caught of multiple bounce wide by the timely no-ball call of umpire Monoski. We were guide home by the unlikely combination of Spike and Pat Cribbage who put on 40 odd for the eighth wicket with spike finishing on 45 not out.
    There were some long faces as Captain Flack got his boys back on the fire engine to trundle home. It will be sombre music on the bandstand this week boyz!

    I bumped into club Welfare officer, Danny State in the COOP this week. He is concerned about the apparent extortion of sweeties from the younger members of the Third team. Members should not encourage the consumption of too many sweeties lest young teeth become decayed and fall out. He says that the Committee will divert loads of time to devising a meaningless form for all captains to fill in listing how many sweets and sticky things that juniors consume. Now that Andy Jardinaire is no longer corrupting young minds they intend to have a puritanical purge on dissident elements. Mr. Gayley beware!

    Lets hope it dries up for the weekend.

    See ya soon

    Wanda & Wal

    Reply
  31. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on June 29th, 2007 at 10:35 pm Said:

    Hello Boyz,

    And still it bloody rains!

    Me and Wal were desperately looking for a game to watch this week as the Quiffsters mob were rained of for the umpteenth week running.
    We had a stroll down to the rec. to watch the Tinkley Cricket boys as the at least managed to star a game. We were stunned to see Mr. Jardinière’s younger brother Albert playing cricket. We have not seen him for around 20 years since he eloped to join the British Legion. All those years of braving the November wind and rain selling poppies have take their toll on his rugged good looks but his was still lithe of mind and body. It looks as though the natural flare has not deserted him over the years and I am sure the runs will soon flow and he will be an asset to the Tinklies.

    We popped down to watch the Academy on Wednesday. Matty and Rick did a good job to get the game on and the square looked very neat with Matties trademark ramrod-straight lines upon it once again. The Accies batted first and we were stunned to see Luw Fullup opening the innings with none other than Spike, not see that for over a decade. Things didn’t quite go to plan as Luw was unlucky to be give out Leg Hiding Wicket. Saddam followed soon after and with Esau Seesaw, doing a fine impression of Esau Eyesore, holing out we were in trouble. We managed to get to 63 with contributions from the middle order and a dozen from Spike.
    We needed a few early wickets which, despite some tight bowling from Perry Ratholes and Bryan Adams failed to materialise. Wal Smoult bowled well yet again and bagged three with the ever improving Ty Catcher picking up a couple of smart stumpings. Wal asked Ty what he put his improvement down to but he indicated he had used his word ration for the month and that he would make up a sentence next month.

    The Thursday boyz made short work of Ansley’s total of 97. The Gorse-Bush lads proving to be thorns in the side of yet another bowling attack. The only batting casualty was young Barry Fyshe. Wal wonders though if he can’t score runs in this weather if he ever will.

    I bumped into Lil Chessewire in the market. She was lamenting the wretched weather and pointed out the fact that we have not completed a league game since Rick Hensdick’s fetid offspring Patsy returned. Wal reckons that he must be a prime candidate to christen the Chairman’s ducking stool at his Lordship’s trout hatchery. He also thinks it will need a lot of soap to get him wet though. I mused to Lil that all the rain had made me realise that Noah with his ark was in fact the very first Friend of the Earth and as such was well ahead of his time. Lil thought for a moment and proffered her lack of understanding of how such a nice man could have raised such a violent daughter, Joan. I confessed to Lil I did not realise that Noah was French. You learn something new everyday!

    Well it’s not looking good again weather wise. The sooner we Patsy exorcised the better!

    See ya soon

    Wanda & Wal

    Reply
  32. xbox155, on July 1st, 2007 at 3:30 pm Said:

    Patsy needs exercise not exorcism

    i may grant you a game next week “Attleborough’s spell has worked again, dam traiter”

    Ricey in charge of Attleborough boating lake and soon to be fishing arena !!!!

    Reply
  33. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on July 11th, 2007 at 8:45 pm Said:

    Hello Boyz,

    We are back! We spent a week filling sandbags lest the rampant floods should strike.

    We bumped in to Rick Hensdick in the week and he informed us that we are now the proud owners of a SupaSoppa. I mused that it must have been under used as last time the Seconds played they were in Division Seven. Dear Rick, proud as ever, said as it was new kit he did not want to get it wet and that it was only really for removing water from the covers. I guess with that logic we won’t be playing again until 2008.

    We were a bit late to watch the Firsts against the Slothly Piggies as Wal always likes to watch the Gruntathon that is the Wimbledon ladies final. He was pleased to see a new face in that nice little French number who sounds like a brand of olive oil. Alas she proved to be no match for the brute force and experience of the pipe-smoking Wilhelmina Vesuvius. When we finally got down to the ground we were just in time to see the last rites being issued to our innings.
    Enquiring of the pleasant Mr. Gorse-Bush as to the cause of such a dire situation he showed us his little note book which usually resembles reams of Pitman-like scribbling. This week however, all there was Run Out by direct hit – Unlucky and Run Out by skipper – Dopey C. Mr. G-B insisted that he was actually writing “Call” when his nib broke. We sympathised, Wal’s nib has been weak for ages, and we moved on. With the Gorse-Bush run machine shattered and Ben Tarm proving to be lethal, if somewhat suspect of action, there was no way back from calamity despite some Canute-like optimism from the stalwarts on Leylandii Hill. However, we were pleased to see us dig deep to the last with Perry Ratholes showing incredible guts and determination to still be not out after one ball. Alas such heroics were in vain as we slid to a modest 45 all out.
    Surely the return of skipper Gaz Stove will be a big boost to the boyz on their tricky jaunt to Lutterworth next week.

    The Thirds rescued a draw which looked impossible with only 12 needed from 3 overs. Some inspired captaincy from Sadam saw the introduction of Lenny Lawrie with his butterfly-like flighty fare. Saw him apply the brakes with 3 wickets and salvage the draw.
    Well done boyz.

    The Sunday Boyz took on Crapston in his Lordships meadows. On a pitch with as much bounce as a hamstrung kangaroo the boyz posted a credible and rarely seen 200 thanks to another ton from the younger Gorse-Bush and a few tens and teens from the rest. The Crappies were in disarray at not many for three thanks to some tight bowling, fielding and ball rolling when Thor-like anger raged from the skies and the game was yet again abandoned as a soggy mess. Wal pointed out that young Hensdick was again in the team. Well he’s not in the Two’s this week so my money is on them at least getting changed.

    Wal managed to obtain his promised statement from young Ty Catcher this month. Asked what he put his improved keeping down to Ty gushed forth “Err I dunno really” Pleased to have solicited such a rich response Wal bid young Ty a good holiday and asked where he was going. “The Mumbles”. We should have known!

    See ya soon

    Wanda & Wal

    Reply
  34. Wanda Round & Wal Konbye, on July 20th, 2007 at 9:07 pm Said:

    Hello Boyz,

    We popped down to watch the Quiffsters re-start their season down on the Meadows against the pleasant boys from Manky Poxwart in some welcome sunshine. As usual the Quiffster won the toss and the boyz fielded. Some very accurate bowling from our very own God of Victory, Rickki Nike kept the Pox in check until drinks. The breakthrough was a while in coming but a directish hit from the Quiffster employing a Davidesque sling-shot from Mid-On saw the fall off the first wicket. As steady exchange of runs and wickets saw the Pox eliminated for 168 with Spike, Singeon Woodwork, The Quiffster and the pitch all making significant contributions. Funny, but Wal said the wedding reception was watching a video of Torvill and Dean at the Olympics just as the Quiffster came on to bowl. I asked if it was Bolero but said “it was the other one, of course!”
    169 is always a difficult ask on the Meadows and the boys were very circumspect in the first half, with Justin Monoski and the returning Sulyman Hameez adding an international flavour to the top order. The loss of some quick middle order wickets left us looking second best but the Quiffster chipped in with a quick fire 10 leaving just 18 to win on his departure. When spike became the 8th victim of the ‘pitch’ all hope looked lost as Mr. Nike strode to the crease. However, the stylish Mr.TomTom navigated us to level scores before unfortunately directing a half volley straight to mid-on for a somewhat disappointing tied game. Wal reckons Wilson needs to get himself updated PDQ.
    Wal was getting frustrated at having watched the ’pitch’ take yet another “8 for” and decided that it was an affront to cricket to call it a pitch as a cricket pitch is defined thus “a cricket pitch is the central strip of the cricket field between the wickets. The pitch is 22 yards (20.12 m) long and 10 feet (3 m) wide. The surface is very flat and normally covered with extremely short grass and is prepared for play by mowing and rolling to give the ball a true and consistent bounce” I had to concur with Wal that such a commodity has not been provided since around August 2006 and, he was right therefore, to describe the grassy patch where the wickets are pitched on his Lordships meadows as merely a painted sod which serves no other purpose than to define where this weeks game should take place. Enquiring of Pitch Publicity Officer, Lee Wyse-Monkees as to the startling decline in standards he pontificated that we are a nets and coaching organisation as this is much more profitable as they are revenue raisers, actually playing costs money and therefore of a lower priority. He did promise that Rick Hensdick can have all the sand and compost he needs to repair the wickets at the end of the season. Wal advised him that wickets are best repaired with a lathe. Lee looked clueless as usual and wandered away.

    The Firsts were on the road at Gutterwork where the fabulous Baxter boys heaped total revenge on their poor showing down on his Lordships meadows by gorging themselves silly upon the bowling fare. They racked up a huge total which looked on for the first half of the chase but it slumbered somewhat towards the end as we hung on grimly at the death to secure the draw. The Gutterworks were however truly gutted as they became the first team this century to fail in dismissing Perry Ratholes within the four balls consecutive balls he had to face thereby denying them the victory which should have been a mere formality.

    The Thirds whipped the SPAR. All of the bowlers put in a creditable performance with Tim Woodshed grabbing his usual “5 for” and Dale Crumpet chipping in with two. The Batting got off to a sticky start but skipper Saddam ably supported by our Polish plummer, Ubend Rzultz saw us home for yet another win. Well done Boyz!

    The Thursday team suffered an agonising one run defeat as the game ended in slightly bizarre fashion with three required winning off the last ball Les Martian clipped the ball away and called for a single thus leaving the boys one short. Wal reckons he truly is from another planet! Porkies Academy strolled to a win against Motheaten in the most one-sided game we have seen for ages the ninety runs we posted would have been enough if Motheaton had been allowed bat until the sun shines, it was that bad. Young Wal Smoult capped a fine week by taking five wickets and again proved that ‘straight is great’.

    I bumped into Squire Nob in the greengrocers. He said that Lord Brollystand and his beautiful wife, Lady Dolly, were off to the country to shoot a few grouse while staying with their distant cousins Sir Basil and Lady Rosemary down in the Herb Gardens. Nob told me that Rick Hensdick was going along to learn about turf culture from their head gardener Mr. Bayleaf, a true fountain of knowledge on dry, bouncy turning pitches that cater for the top class Spinner, Prashana Bedi. Unfortunately his Lordship cannot take the brollyhounds lest they are eaten by their pet lion Parsley. I asked Squire Nob where he was holidaying this year and he told me that he the lady wife were trying Phuckit in Thailand as it was famous for exotic ladybirds and the lady wife loves her insects. I politely suggested that she definitely wouldn’t have anything like these and that a “mansize” bottle of mossy repellent would be the order of the day. I’ll let you know how the got on if the old dears heart ever survives the shock!

    See ya soon

    Wanda & Wal

    Reply
  35. ToomanykidsHarvey, on July 22nd, 2007 at 10:16 am Said:

    Rick is not alone in not knowing the difference between wickets and pitches – many so called ‘experts’ on TV don’t seem to know. Go easy on him Wal.

    Reply

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